How To Write That All-Important First Email For Online Dating
Remember, first impressions count for everything in this game.
You’ve set up your fabulous online dating profile. You’ve scanned the listings and see a whole slew of women you are attracted to. You’ve weeded out the lunatics, the liars and the bunny-boilers. Now all you need to do is make contact.
As far as I can see, you have 3 real options:
- Use text speak and betray how crap you are, virtually guaranteeing you will never get to date anyone half decent.
- Lovingly craft a totally personalized mail to each woman you would like to date.
- Copy and paste the same message with slight variations to dozens of women.
Read any advice, other than mine, on how to send a mail to a potential mate, and number 2 will be the recommendation. Most men will go for number 1. The clever and successful guy will go for number 3 to write his first online dating email.
Let’s look at these different methods of writing your first email in turn.
1. Brief and Brainless:
Subject Line: Hi
Body of Mail: Hw r u? Wanna meet up? Ur hot.
Results – None.
Women will think you are lazy, stupid and not worth dating. And they’ll be right. You’re just not thinking straight. Women, unless they too are slackjawed and diseased, will not want to go out with a guy who sends a mail like that. The ones who do are not worth going out with.
2. Long and Boring.
You will get greater success with this method, but not much. You’ll spend an hour writing each mail and you’ll get few replies. Women don’t care what you’ve written in your mail. They care about how witty your profile is. Only if they like your profile and the way you look will they read your mail. You are wasting your valuable time. Even if you find the profile of the woman of your dreams, resist the temptation.
3. Short and Personal
Get yourself a format. You’ll want to introduce yourself, tell her you liked her profile and why (you’re probably going to need to lie, most profiles are awful) and tell her to get back to you. Don’t ask. Tell. Obviously don’t command her to get back in touch, just an assertive touch that shows you aren’t desperate. Put 1 thing in that shows you have read her profile and ask a question about her. If she has nothing to write back you won’t get a response, so something witty about her profile ending with a question about the something and you’ve got a winner. You won’t get a response every time, but that’s why you’re churning the mails out like a madman. Find what is working for you and maximise on it.
Here are a few don’ts
- Don’t write – If you want to know anything else, just ask.
- Don’t make any comments about her sexiness.
- Don’t try to be too funny.
- Don’t be desperate. Read your mail again. Do you sound like you haven’t been laid for 2 years? Or, do you sound like you’re trying out online dating because you’ve heard you can meet really great people this way.
Once you’ve sent out the first batch. Wait and see what the response is like and analyze what you’ve done and how you can do it better.
It’s going to be a numbers game. The more you put into it, the more you get out of it and the more practice you get in online dating, writing that first email, the better you will become.
One last thing, and this is really important:
Don’t feel bad if you don’t get a response from every woman you mail. It’s not gonna happen. Some women just aren’t going to like you. Some are not really looking to meet people. Some are barking mad.
If you don’t get a response and you really like them, try again in a couple of weeks. Laugh about how they ignored you the first time and make a joke about being persistant, without sounding creepy of course.
Remember, this is even easier than handling rejection in real life. Suck it up and send some more mails.
